Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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