bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
