i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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