I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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