fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
