God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
