I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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