I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
