I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
