I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
