I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
