I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
