grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
