I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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