The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
