i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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