You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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