we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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