Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
