dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
