I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Still dying that you shit outside
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
