This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
