remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
love makes seman taste better
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
