I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
