I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
