True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What a dumb baby whore.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
