and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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