And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
