I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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