Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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