y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
