First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
