hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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