i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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