"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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