And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
