I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
