they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
