Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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