but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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