If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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