dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
