DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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