The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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