it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
