So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
