i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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