It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
