i can't believe i had my finger in that
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize