I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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