Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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