Umm I'm too high to move.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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