i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she told me i tasted like america
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
