in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
