Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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