jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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