All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize