I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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