Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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