she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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