yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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