i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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