Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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