Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
