please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
