Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
