I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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